The Frustration Inside

It's back again.
The self hatred, I guess.
I just get so sick and tired of my life.
I don't like what my life entitles, I guess.
I don't even really know what I think or feel.

I just wanna use because I don't have to feel.
I don't want to use because I want to quit, break free from this, live again.
I just can't.

See, I married my drug dealer. Not that he deals drugs anymore, but he smokes and so well, I have a hard time quitting when it's just there.

Not that he wouldn't support me, it's just I always have gone back to it, it seems useless to quit, again.

Seems useless to do dishes, again.
Useless to garden, since I'm clueless and broke.
Useless to pick up since it'll get messy, again.
Usless to orgainze, I have no space to do so.

Boy this is pretty sad.
Pretty negative.
I've gotta shake this slump.
I've gotts look up, be positive, see what worth doing.

I'vve gotta get off my butt and do somehting.
Get real,
quit smoking and sliding deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

Something's gotta change.