Really this blog is going to be my recovery blog.

I'm a pot head.

I have another blog but just can't seem to blog about drug abuse in the same blog as my children's extra curricular activities. perhaps the two worlds should come together, but for now, I can't.

I've been clean for 14 hours.

I quit smoking 3 weeks ago for about 2 weeks and then, well and then I smoked.

I have heard it said often that weed is not addictive. Those who say that have never had a weed addiction.

I'm leaning on some biblical truths, knowing that it is only through the Holy Spirit that I can overcome this. I can walk in the freedom and sobriety that God intended for me to walk in.

So as I take these first steps out of my pit of addiction I have this blog to help me along. I'm not a writer but I do like to journal.

Many days I just can't seem to shake the feelings of doom that haunt me. Feelings of worthlessness and uselessness. Thoughts that life will always be a struggle, so why try. That God never really liked me anyway. That's probably the biggest lie I've believed the longest- that God doesn't really like me. Probably pretty typical of an addict; poor self-esteem, lack of a positive view of ones self. I mean why else would one chose to leave reality and enter a state of a drug induced high.

I've gotta believe God.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himsef for me."
Galatians 2:20

I am worth something, I can be used for something. God loved me enough to die for me, to give Himself up for me. It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me. It is through Him living in me that I will beat this.

My mind wanders to tonight and is already debating the "should I smoke" question.

Father God, I am taking these thoughts captive, I am surrendering them to You. May Your will be done in my life, may I draw from Your Living Water to satisfy my desires with the good things you speak of. Renew my youth O God! Satisfy my desires with good things and with more of You! Yes Lord, more of You and less of me.

-me